DEAR ABBY: My 29-year-old son, “Earl,” has an MBA. He started drinking and doing drugs at the age of 16. Earl is highly intelligent, and he successfully hid his addiction from me. When I realized its existence, just before he left for college, it was too late for me to do anything. I offered to send him to rehab, but he refused.
I am a single mom. I tried to tell his father, but he was of no help. Earl lives in a different state now but visits me every few months. I recently realized that every time Earl visits, he buys drugs before he leaves for the airport. He has them in his carry-on bag. I am afraid Earl may be selling them. He says he stopped doing marijuana, but I can smell it on him. I’m worried something will happen to him. What can I do? — POWERLESS IN TEXAS
DEAR POWERLESS: Your fears are well-grounded. I’m surprised that when Earl’s carry-on bag is scanned at the airport, the drugs haven’t been spotted. I’m also surprised that if he has the drugs on him (reeking of marijuana) he hasn’t encountered a drug-sniffing canine, which would also lead to an arrest. You ask what you can do about this sorry situation; the answer is nothing. Your son is an adult who may have to accept the consequences for taking the risks he has.
DEAR ABBY: I just passed my 10th anniversary at the hospital where I am employed. This occasion is normally celebrated at a monthly 30-person meeting of managers and directors with a cake, photo, certificate and a small gift. The meeting came, but there was no cake, no photo, no certificate, etc. Just before the meeting ended, my supervisor said, “Oh, by the way, this month is ‘Janet’s’ 10th anniversary.” Everyone clapped, and that was it. It was obvious that they had forgotten, and he only remembered at the last minute.
I went to the person who normally arranges these types of things and asked if they had forgotten. She stuttered and had a bunch of excuses — the CEO wasn’t around to sign the certificate, the gift was hung up due to tariffs, etc. I said “OK” and went back to my office. NOW my boss wants to make it a big deal. He and the COO are going to take me to lunch, and a surprise party with cake is being planned that I’m not supposed to know about.
Abby, I just don’t want any of it. It feels like overcompensation and an afterthought. It is water under the bridge at this point, and it’s embarrassing to me for them to do it now, like I had to ask. This is going to be forced on me. How can I stay polite and yet firm about turning this all down? — FORGOTTEN BIRTHDAY GIRL
DEAR GIRL: OK. Someone dropped the ball; they screwed up, and it hurt your feelings. Your employers are trying to make it up to you because they like, respect and care about you. Salve your wounded ego and do not pout. This may be overcompensation on their part, but be a good sport and let them make the effort. You deserve it. To do otherwise could cause ill will, and you don’t want to do that just because somebody made a mistake.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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