DEAR ABBY: After four months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if we could move in together to save on rent. He was absolutely against the idea. We’ve now been dating for 10 months, and he recently got a letter stating that he’s about to be evicted because he hasn’t paid rent for three months. Now that he is about to lose his place, he says that because it’s been 10 months of us dating, he should move in.
I have asked him for months to get a second job. He has a job that’s based on commission only, so there are times he doesn’t get paid unless he sells something. I have the same job but also work another one. He only recently applied to get another job, but he hasn’t completed the requirements to fulfill the opening.
Do you think he is asking me to move in because he thinks I’ll pay the bills? Also, his mom is living with him because she has memory problems. What should I do? This feels like a situation where I want to help but I don’t want to be in a ruckus in the end. — INDECISIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR INDECISIVE: You have known this man for only 10 months. That his moving in with you would also involve his mother who has memory problems creates an additional complication besides the fact that his income is so irregular he can’t afford to pay his rent. What if his mother’s problem worsens? Who will care for her while he’s working? Will he be able to find a job for which he is qualified to supplement his income?
You are generous and caring, but if you do what he is asking, your relationship will become increasingly complicated, and a “ruckus” would be the least of your worries. He needs to solve his own problem without involving you.
DEAR ABBY: I don’t like living where I am. I’m in a 55-plus community. I am 59, which is younger than a lot of people who live here. The gossiping here is awful and out of control. I was just informed by a neighbor that people who live here are afraid of me because of the way that I dress. I usually wear long jean shorts that reach my knees and a tucked-in T-shirt with a belt.
I have reached the point that I am having my dinner delivered, and I no longer go to breakfast in the dining room. I’m happier cooking my own food at home and keeping to myself. I am considering moving to a regular condo, not a 55-plus. At this point in my life, I need to be around younger people. Would you stay or would you move? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN GEORGIA
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Could some of your neighbors be jealous because you look so appealing in your “uniform”? Are you sure the person who told you that your neighbors are afraid of you was telling the truth? If you have been living in that 55-plus community only a short while, perhaps you should give it a little more time. However, if you feel a younger community would be more welcoming and stimulating, start looking around at what your options may be.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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