DEAR ABBY: I have been medically retired for three years. My husband, who has always been a stay-at-home dad, is now on Social Security and is home with me. He has a variety of interests and is healthy and able to get around more than I am.
Earlier in our marriage, I had a cat, “Miss Kitty,” who was my companion and whom I adored. She would greet me at the door and lay with me when I was sick. I had her for 22 years. At the time, my husband helped with her litter box and feeding. Miss Kitty has been gone for 12 years. I would love to get another cat for companionship as I am home all the time and often in my room due to my disability. I could take care of it with the advances in pet supply technology (self-cleaning litter boxes, etc.).
My problem is, my husband doesn’t want a cat in the house. He says we have “done this” already. I have talked with him and expressed that I have supported all his hobbies — every single one he has ever engaged in — with no complaint. I explained that I am often alone when he leaves and that I get lonely. I also let him know that because I am home full time, I can take care of the cat completely. All supplies can be delivered. They even have a veterinarian who can do home visits.
Abby, how does one work with stubborn husbands? I am working with my primary care doctor for my mood. However, pet therapy is a real benefit, and I grew up with the love of cat ownership. Is there a better way to communicate or compromise that I cannot think of? — CAT COMPANION IN OHIO
DEAR CAT COMPANION: Your husband isn’t so much stubborn as he is selfish. Loneliness can cause depression, and you don’t need any more of that than you already suffer. Because your husband is having trouble understanding that being alone in the house for extended periods isn’t good for your mental health (or physical health for that matter), perhaps your doctor can explain it to him. Your next step is to have a chat with your physician about the situation at home and ask for help.
DEAR ABBY: I’m dating a guy I don’t completely trust. I feel he’s evasive and not completely honest about his finances or his relationship with his daughter’s mother. There have been two occasions when I didn’t believe he was where he claimed to be. I’m afraid of commitment after becoming a widow and recently divorcing a narcissist. How do I know if this one is trustworthy, or if I should run? — BAD LUCK IN MARYLAND
DEAR BAD LUCK: I’ll tell you how. Listen to your intuition. It’s a protective mechanism deep inside our brains that warns of danger. If something doesn’t seem right — doesn’t feel right — don’t ignore it. Listen to your gut and back away from anyone you suspect of being less than truthful.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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