DEAR ABBY: After the last presidential election, my daughter, “Cindy,” whom I love with all my heart, turned against me.
Cindy started rebelling when she was a teenager. Our relationship was rocky for some time, but I never stopped loving her. Once she matured, our relationship became much better, so I was shocked when she turned on me in such a vicious way.
She began making up stories about how I had abused her as a child — absolute lies. She also began sending me nasty text messages, calling me names because of my political beliefs and telling me she no longer wants a relationship with me. I don’t care what her political beliefs are. I would never be so cruel to her.
It has been a year and a half since we have had any contact. I have tried writing her letters, which I assume she is throwing in the garbage without reading. I can’t call her because she blocked my number, and she has also blocked me on all social media. I need advice about how to move forward. — GOOD MOM IN THE SOUTH
DEAR GOOD MOM: Cindy needs some time to cool off, so the best you can do now is give that to her. Stop writing to her, and do not ask anyone to contact her on your behalf. Also, please think twice before repeating to friends and family what you’ve told me. If Cindy learns that you’ve been describing yourself as a perfect mother and her as a hateful ingrate, you may never hear from her again.
Take this time to work on yourself. Even if you did everything right as a mom, you didn’t learn how to connect with a child whose values are different from yours. A licensed therapist may be able to help you with that and may even shed some light on Cindy’s reasons for cutting ties with you. You may not agree with her reasons, but trust that they are important to her.
DEAR ABBY: My aunt and uncle, who are both in their mid-to-late 50s, live with my grandmother, who is in her early 80s. They are hoarders and have taken over half of my grandmother’s house. They came to live with her for the summer eight years ago and constantly cause strife for my father. They take things without permission and are now babysitting my cousin’s daughter almost every day.
My aunt is easily offended and deflects any criticism, while my dad avoids confrontation at any cost. Should I do something, or is it not my place to get involved? — LOOKING ON IN WISCONSIN
DEAR LOOKING ON: Nowhere in your letter did you mention that your father has any serious objections to what’s going on with his mother and these relatives. Before involving yourself by trying to run interference for him, ask him if there is anything he wants you to do. Because he is averse to confrontation, he may prefer you stay out of it. However, if you are concerned about your cousin’s daughter being looked after in a home that has been taken over by hoarders, you should discuss it with your cousin.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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