DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling with what to do about my first job out of college. I’ve been here for four months, and while I expected a learning curve, I didn’t expect the environment to feel so hostile. My boss yells at me across the office for small, easily fixable mistakes. The latest incident involved her slamming her hands on the table several times and shouting, “What are you talking about?” while I was trying to clarify a question. I couldn’t even get my words out.
I’m in the second round of interviews for another job with a different company, and I’m torn about what to do. My parents think I should stick it out to avoid being seen as a job hopper. But I feel anxious going into work every day. This environment is eroding my confidence.
Furthermore, I will be moving to a new town with my fiance next year, so I’m wondering if it’s smarter to stay for another several months or take the new job (which will be remote, if I get it) even though I’m worried I might not like that one either.
Am I too sensitive? Should I leave a job this quickly, or push through until my move? How do I make the right decision when I feel guilty no matter what I choose? — CONFLICTED IN NEBRASKA
DEAR CONFLICTED: This is your first job. Because you will be moving next year, rather than jump to a new one, stick to the one you have because it will look better on your resume. Your boss may be difficult, but she also may be dealing with stresses about which you know nothing. It might benefit you to talk with the other employees about how they cope when something like this happens. They may be able to offer some helpful suggestions.
DEAR ABBY: I host dinners for most holidays and birthdays for my relatives and friends. I have a relative and a friend who have enjoyable and shared interests, but every time they come, they announce that they do not cook — as if it is a badge of honor. I’m beginning to resent the comment after spending hours shopping, planning and preparing the meal for everyone. When they do offer to contribute, they bring a tasteless pie or an item from a discount bargain store.
Both are seniors, and I realize they are not going to change. One offered to help me clean up, then criticized me for “wasting” water while I hand-washed and rinsed my china dishes. (They do offer compliments and praise for the special event.) I just wish they’d offer, or make, one item that is a special contribution. I will continue to temper my resentment over their comments, but I am finding it increasingly difficult. Help! — STEAMED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR STEAMED: I have one question for you: You know these folks are set in their ways and unlikely to change. Why do you continue to invite them if this bothers you so much? Because your meal is planned in its entirety, you shouldn’t need an extra store-bought dessert. How about assigning them some other task, such as bringing flowers or something to nibble on while waiting for the meal to be served. (Nuts, anyone?)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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